on having time to spend
After all that machismo that they so generously throw about, it’s weird to have your parents sound a little hesitant, almost sad when you tell them that you might not be able to make it today because you’ve got things to do. I have work to catch up on and a medical student veneer to keep shiny. I have wished at times that I could take a break from whatever it is that I’m doing and just be with them, helping my mum, easing her burden and at the least, making sure she gets a full 8 hours of sleep at night.
It bothers me occasionally (this being one) that I can only do so much. I was talking to a friend the other day, albeit it was during class, and she asked me if I’m tired, making the trip down almost every other day. I said yeah, pointed at my now not so prominent eyebags elaborated further: I don’t really mind, but it’d be nice to be able to think straight beyond 7pm because my mental faculties are still very much awake. Status quo, unfortunately, isn’t so. My eyes redden beyond 7 and thinking straight is a luxury best left to 11 in the morning.
I got up about an hour ago and my brain just clocked in. Java’s a little late to work as well. They’ll have to work double time for the next 4 days or so. Have things lined up that I’m not exactly prepared for and deadlines which are almost incredulously nearby. To top it all off, my moral faculties have been in use extensively since Tuesday and they’ll probably be running overtime for another 3 months or so.
From now till then, I’ll have to make do with the little time I find myself having. I wish I spent more time with my books: there’s nothing I’d like more than to sit at a desk all day, surrounded by medical texts, ensuring everything that I read fits into a bigger picture and makes sense. I wish I had more time to read up on issues which affect the world. I don’t do anything to directly influence world events, yes, but having to debate about them kinda makes you want to know about them a little more in depth than the average Star reader. I wish I had dance lessons twice a week.
More importantly, I wish I didn’t have to disappoint my parents by having to 'prioritize'. I hope I’m prioritizing right.
It bothers me occasionally (this being one) that I can only do so much. I was talking to a friend the other day, albeit it was during class, and she asked me if I’m tired, making the trip down almost every other day. I said yeah, pointed at my now not so prominent eyebags elaborated further: I don’t really mind, but it’d be nice to be able to think straight beyond 7pm because my mental faculties are still very much awake. Status quo, unfortunately, isn’t so. My eyes redden beyond 7 and thinking straight is a luxury best left to 11 in the morning.
I got up about an hour ago and my brain just clocked in. Java’s a little late to work as well. They’ll have to work double time for the next 4 days or so. Have things lined up that I’m not exactly prepared for and deadlines which are almost incredulously nearby. To top it all off, my moral faculties have been in use extensively since Tuesday and they’ll probably be running overtime for another 3 months or so.
From now till then, I’ll have to make do with the little time I find myself having. I wish I spent more time with my books: there’s nothing I’d like more than to sit at a desk all day, surrounded by medical texts, ensuring everything that I read fits into a bigger picture and makes sense. I wish I had more time to read up on issues which affect the world. I don’t do anything to directly influence world events, yes, but having to debate about them kinda makes you want to know about them a little more in depth than the average Star reader. I wish I had dance lessons twice a week.
More importantly, I wish I didn’t have to disappoint my parents by having to 'prioritize'. I hope I’m prioritizing right.
posted by pwasad at 6:19 PM
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